Bonding in Marriage
What does it take to make a great marriage? It takes the bonding of a man and a woman, so that they have the closest possible human relationship. In fact, this relationship is to be so close and so permanent that God uses it as an example of our relationship with Christ in Ephesians 5. What does it take for that bonding to be effective? It takes time and effort. I believe that is why God gave Israel the command for a newly married man to stay home from war and work for the first year.(Deuteronomy 24:5) Think about it. Doesn't that show us how important bonding is in marriage?
The process of becoming "one flesh" is so much more than a physical relationship. The sexual part of marriage is really only meaningful if it is a demonstration of what is happening emotionally and spiritually between the man and the woman. The main thing is that they start thinking as one, feeling as one, and growing in the Lord together. Then, they will have a good sexual relationship, too.
Over the years, I have told many couples in premarital counseling that the natural thing to happen after the wedding ceremony is for the husband and wife to drift apart, instead of growing closer and becoming one. This happens most of the time because the husband pursues his work and recreation, while the wife pursues the children and the making of a home. If there is not a distinct commitment to communication and spiritual growth together, soon the marriage will be just two people living together in the same house and doing what the kids need. That is why so many people get divorced when the children leave the home. They have grown totally apart.
When Chris and I were married, her godly grandmother gave us the money she was going to give Chris as her inheritance. It was not a lot, but it was enough to help us fulfill her one request. She said, "I will give you this money, if you will promise that Chris will not work for the first year of your marriage." What a blessing that was for us. I was going to Baylor, and she was going to the community college, but we were able to spend so much more time together without the stress of jobs weighing us down. We were able to enjoy each other, and I was able to concentrate on bringing her happiness. I did not always do the right thing, but we laid a solid foundation that has served us well over the last 38 1/2 years.
Please, don't think that because you missed the bonding at the beginning that your marriage will be inferior. Learn from God's command and make bonding a priority. Set aside time to talk each day. Pray together about your lives and your needs. Make dates each week, even if it is something free like walking in the park. Remember, love is spelled T-I-M-E. You will not grow together without spending time together. That is the essence of God's command in Deuteronomy 24:5.
Tomorrow, I intend to read Deuteronomy 26-28.
The process of becoming "one flesh" is so much more than a physical relationship. The sexual part of marriage is really only meaningful if it is a demonstration of what is happening emotionally and spiritually between the man and the woman. The main thing is that they start thinking as one, feeling as one, and growing in the Lord together. Then, they will have a good sexual relationship, too.
Over the years, I have told many couples in premarital counseling that the natural thing to happen after the wedding ceremony is for the husband and wife to drift apart, instead of growing closer and becoming one. This happens most of the time because the husband pursues his work and recreation, while the wife pursues the children and the making of a home. If there is not a distinct commitment to communication and spiritual growth together, soon the marriage will be just two people living together in the same house and doing what the kids need. That is why so many people get divorced when the children leave the home. They have grown totally apart.
When Chris and I were married, her godly grandmother gave us the money she was going to give Chris as her inheritance. It was not a lot, but it was enough to help us fulfill her one request. She said, "I will give you this money, if you will promise that Chris will not work for the first year of your marriage." What a blessing that was for us. I was going to Baylor, and she was going to the community college, but we were able to spend so much more time together without the stress of jobs weighing us down. We were able to enjoy each other, and I was able to concentrate on bringing her happiness. I did not always do the right thing, but we laid a solid foundation that has served us well over the last 38 1/2 years.
Please, don't think that because you missed the bonding at the beginning that your marriage will be inferior. Learn from God's command and make bonding a priority. Set aside time to talk each day. Pray together about your lives and your needs. Make dates each week, even if it is something free like walking in the park. Remember, love is spelled T-I-M-E. You will not grow together without spending time together. That is the essence of God's command in Deuteronomy 24:5.
Tomorrow, I intend to read Deuteronomy 26-28.